For more than a week, my fingertips ache to press the keys and cry my heart out into my writing, but all I was capable of typing was codes and multiple lines of programming. I log in every day into my laptop only to deal with programs and databases – I feel trapped.
Days were spent dealing with Power Point presentations and PDFs to be devoured in order to conquer written examinations. I have to be honest here, I wasn’t truly focused on studying even through this so called “hell week”. I was still able to procrastinate. And yet, in my procrastination, words wont escape me the way they used to – not that I even tried.
I am not ranting nor complaining on how stressful the past week has been – I know for a fact that it is all a consequence of my actions, and yes, of my pride. (Side note: I tried making a program much superior than what was asked, and in return left me with sleepless nights, severe headache, and bleeding gums) Bear with me for a few more sentences: this will all make sense.
With mind whizzing and turning frantically in every waking moment, the holiday season (which I look forward to every single year) has been passing without me noticing it. Right after I submitted the program, it has dawned on me how Christmas is near and yet I haven’t felt the spirit of it all regardless all the decorations that surround me. I felt cheated, I felt like I have been robbed a shot on happiness.
I do not want to turn into a Grinch.
That’s when it hit me: Maybe, the reason why I’m not feeling the spirit of this holiday yet is because I’m still too focused on myself – on my stressful week, on my grades, on my relationships… That somehow, I got distracted and forgot the real essence of celebrating this season. With a reminder just last Sunday, the truth of it all unfolded itself to me. It was never about me – it’s about Him.
#notetoself – Your birthday falls on March, Christmas is for Christ.